Dubious magical items.

I sometimes wonder why a wizard hasn’t started to create magical items to fit into much needed gaps in the market, so here it is, the Definitive list (definitive meaning until I run out of ideas for posts and have to do part II) list of Dubious magical Items, opening a chest will never be the same again:-


Sword of Brake dancing:- A well crafted weapon that gives no combat bonus, how ever as soon as it is drawn funky 80’s music starts to play and everyone must roll vs. will to avoid body popping.

Muppet slayer:- A wet fish used to banish annoying party members to the void

Bow Of Straightness:- item made Elvin men, any elf holding the bow of straightness exudes a aura of manliness, not limp wrested a-sexuality

Coffee of wakening:- A small flask containg coffee brewed from the blood of dragons and distilled over century’s, can be used to animate any no living creature, including rocks, and acts as a haste spell (at 100 times the effect) on the recipient

Whip of kinkiness:- forces a will save in all male party members when wielded by a female cleric if the will save is failed the target is feebleminded

Sword of Phallic compensation:- this dose +3 Freudian damage vs. insecure male opponents

Mace of protection:- a small canister containing pepper spray, invaluable for bad neighbourhoods in urban settings

Mushrooms Of The Magi:- automatic feblemined effect on whoever eats them, but hey, you don’t give a stuff….just look at the colours man

Well you expect to find these items in a treasure chest some time soon after never.