Random Encounters.

Lets face it, there not that random really are they? Have you looked at a 'random' encounter table lately? 1d6 goblins with short swords? what’s random about that? Now here’s what I call random encounter table.

Roll d100
01-05 Cigarette Butt Gollum
06-10 visible invisible stalker (just a wired bloke who follows you around)
11-15 Gay Bugbares
16-20 Disco Dancing zombies
21 Steam-punk geese
22-23 Swashbuckling orcs
24-25 Maths Teacher (rabid)
26 Lazy dragon (breath weapon Doritos halitosis)
27-28 Clowns with crossbows
29-30 Atheist Priests
31-32 Hackneyed plot devise (wandering traveller, burnt out coach ect ect)
33-36 talking, martini swilling dog with a sociopath baby
37-40 Ninja Squirrels on Prozac
41-45 Redneck (wildness only, accompanied by a bard with a banjo and a pig......)
46-50 Beholder with ADHD
51-55 A Party of elf’s with CLEARLY DEFINDEND genders, who don’t mention the word 'forest' once in conversation
56 A guy who takes no interest whatsoever in the party at all
57-60 Wandering shrubbery salesman
61-63 stoner looking for a Mars Bar
64-65 Mountain dew elemental
66-67 A leper with boundary issues
68-70 Rabid Care bare
71-75 Mr Hanky (the Christmas poo)
76-80 Cthlulu. no really THE cuthlulu
81-85 Ear wax Gollum
86 Rob Zombie and Pin head from hellraiser playing snap with a deck of many things
87-90 30th level teenage hormonal wizard
91-93 Banshee on PMS
94-96A dwarf WITHOUT a Scottish accent, or an axe
97-98 A REALLY fat Halfling called Pipi De Thudd
99 A berserker With the symbol of insanity tattooed on he’s forehead
100 David hasslhoff