robs weak ass excusse for filler

and i know.... i know it was a long time ago, i know i should get over myself and they have relised countless more verations since then, i know that the mathmatics of 4th ed make for a fairer game, i know that its adapted to bring new blood into the game...but.....well:-

what else, oh yes check out these web comics if you havent already:

http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots.html

and

http://www.nuklearpower.com/archive.php

im toying with the idear of starting my own one, i did some prelim work last year and well...i might...maybe

Face Lift

hi ya'all

im pleased to say that after its haitus heros inc will be back on monday with a new look and hopefully fully updated game report.

thanks for bearing with me

Tory roleplayers?

"for a few spotty years, i was that tragic geek"

Tory MP Micheal Grove on hes former love for D&D

with the death of the great white beared primark of d&d, gary gygaz, this week it has cuased pepole to reminise avout the grand old hobby, with suprising resluts...

with public figures like Darren Waters (BBC jornalist) and Micheal grove (tory MP) admitting to playing the game has D&D finaly lost the seedy image of the mid 80's suicide cult?

lets start at the beging, d&D has been villansed for years, even the bbc telvison drama tagart had a pop at it (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716621/) and lets not even mention forssit gump's attempt (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mazes_and_Monsters) and of corse we are all famuiler with those poor sould who indvently gave d&d a bad name, just because of playing the game, Dallas Egbert III from the Michigan State and Irving Pulling II, the medis gobblubed up there playing of D&D, and compltly ignopred the preexisting metal health issues that they suffred from, so how did we get from that to where we are now?

Garay gygax himself went on record and is qouted as saying:-

The idea that a game is anything more than a game… You know, there are people who are basically unbalanced who are going to misuse a game and have bad results. If a golfer who insists on playing during a lightning storm gets hit by a stroke of lightning and is killed nobody says, 'There's golfers dying by the droves being hit by lightning!' You can overdo what you really like, and if you're unbalanced you go overboard.

and do you know what, its a good point. the sad fact is that young men comit sucided every day, and the type of enternment that they injoy has no baring at all on this.

its just sad that it took the death of the creator of D&D for pepole to openly admit that they play.

you might be a gamer if.....

You don't think of a Russian bazooka when someone says "RPG".
You use game stats to describe things in a movie. (Well, Han just blew his Fast-Talk roll)
The game master smiles, and you know it's too late.
Your blood pressure rises when the subject of "Dark Dungeons" comes up.
You know the singular form of the word "dice".
You can figure the odds (in your head) of getting a certain result when rolling variable sized dice pools.
You own a 30 or a 100 sided die.
you've ever spent a significant fraction of your life modifying game rules that you didn't like... and, as soon as the system worked to your satisfaction, discarded it.
you've ever seen the old AD&D tv series.
you've ever gotten into a screaming match over something that happened in a game... (You are so dead! I am not dead!)
you've ever neglected to buy the new edition of your favourite game because you already have three.
you keep old characters around just in case someone might run that system again. (Never mind that its TS: SI)
You knew what I meant when I said TS:SI.
you have a PhD in manipulating point systems to the best effect, even though you failed high school geometry.
you can consume your body weight in junk food in one gaming session.
you consider Party rings, Salt-&-Vinegar crisps, and Dr Pepper a balanced diet. (or even an acceptable combination.)
you have been known to drive to far away places where you paid enormous amounts of money for the privelege of sleeping on floors, eating crap, buying little pewter statues of Gandalf, and meeting dozens of psychopathic members of the alternate (or similar) sex who will follow you around for months, merely for the pleasure of playing with gamers you don't know. and then signed up en masse with all of you friends to play in games with game masters who you've known since high school.
you own your own weight in gaming books.
you can do AD&D money conversions in your head.
you consider the 20th century a state of mind.
you have a random NPC generator, written in BASIC, designed to run on the Trash-80 or the Commodore 64.
you've ever designed your own character sheets.
you can be more that three NPCs at the same time without generating more than reasonable confusion in your players.
you have ever played a Dwarven character who did not have "axe" or "beard" ANYWHERE in his or her name.
you know how to sex dwarves. (chromosome typing- required a blood sample. I'M not getting it...)
you've ever tried to explain gaming to a school counselor, parent, or other PW/OC (Person With/Out Clue).
you've suceeded.
you've played Talisman more than once.
you've finished a game of Talisman... more than once.

(yet) more motivation

Gary Gygax dies

no, its not a joke. the grand old (dungion) master has passed away at aged 69 in he's sleep after battleing ill health for a few years.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2008/03/06/db0603.xml

so, gents.... what do we think? will he's sprit roll on a random table to diside he's fate, or will he simply be re-incarnated as a bug bear?

I shit you not...

Friends, roleplayers, countrymen.... lend me your eyes

while i was serching thogh dear old wiki i found refrance to a rather odd group of inderviduals who call themselfs 'the flat earth sociity', and they truely and honistly beilive that the world is not in fact shaped like a globe, but rather like a pancake....

...yes, that humming you hear is just about every scientist over the last 500 years spinning in there graves.

well, please feel free to click here http://www.alaska.net/~clund/e_djublonskopf/Flatearthsociety.htm and have a good old laugth at these inbread morons. the only problem of corse, there baised in the UK..... oh dear

More Motivation

Dubious magical items.

I sometimes wonder why a wizard hasn’t started to create magical items to fit into much needed gaps in the market, so here it is, the Definitive list (definitive meaning until I run out of ideas for posts and have to do part II) list of Dubious magical Items, opening a chest will never be the same again:-


Sword of Brake dancing:- A well crafted weapon that gives no combat bonus, how ever as soon as it is drawn funky 80’s music starts to play and everyone must roll vs. will to avoid body popping.

Muppet slayer:- A wet fish used to banish annoying party members to the void

Bow Of Straightness:- item made Elvin men, any elf holding the bow of straightness exudes a aura of manliness, not limp wrested a-sexuality

Coffee of wakening:- A small flask containg coffee brewed from the blood of dragons and distilled over century’s, can be used to animate any no living creature, including rocks, and acts as a haste spell (at 100 times the effect) on the recipient

Whip of kinkiness:- forces a will save in all male party members when wielded by a female cleric if the will save is failed the target is feebleminded

Sword of Phallic compensation:- this dose +3 Freudian damage vs. insecure male opponents

Mace of protection:- a small canister containing pepper spray, invaluable for bad neighbourhoods in urban settings

Mushrooms Of The Magi:- automatic feblemined effect on whoever eats them, but hey, you don’t give a stuff….just look at the colours man

Well you expect to find these items in a treasure chest some time soon after never.

D&D E4

Okay guys, here it is....

For real wizards of the coast are going, once again, totally shaft role-players by making them totally update there rules system. The vids below for there whiny ass butt munching excuses for trying to con a minimum of £60 (£20 a book) from every D&D player in the world.

For fuck sake its almost like they still think there making Magic the Gathering where they could get away with totally scrapping everything after a while.

To be honest with you guys this kind of thing really ticks me off, I know at the end of the day that the business of roleplaying is still basically a business but still, the nearest analogy I can think of is if they kept realising new versions of Cluedo or monopoly (yes I know they do, but they don’t change the rules, just make it prettier) .

Now personally I have never forgiven them for scarping 2nd ed, having built up £1500-£2000 worth of books only to be told that they where now all worthless kinda bites ya know.

Any how, read the buzz ( http://dnd4.com/?page_id=33 ) and let me know what you think, but for the recorded I WILL NOT be buying into edition 4.

***ADENDUM***

I'll have to post the Vids when i get home, the firewall wizard said 'you shall not pass!'

10 signs your DM has lost the plot

Let's face it, being a DM is no bed of roses, there's roleplays for one thing. if your going to tentatively put forward a tenuous semi-plagiarised plot then the last audience you want to do that to is a bunch of obsessive, reclusive, bookish geeks....in other words your players.

But on the other hand, sometimes DM's aren’t much fun either. here are the 10 signs that your DM is officially away with the dryads, and not in a good way.

10. He starts to refer to you (as a person) by your characters name. even clameing that you should pay for the pizza as you have at least 300 gold.

09. He try’s to get into character by dressing as the NPC's.... all at the same time.

08. He can recite lord of the rings verbatim, work out the maths for a full scale war where every combatant has different feats and makes more notes than a reporter discovering that David Beckham is really gay..... but he can no longer tie he's own shoe laces.

07. He Bases he’s choice of mate on how much they look like 'gold moon' from the dragonlance saga.

06. he has every D&D and GURPs source book going back to first edition, enough dice to make a monument to roleplaying, and yet can only afford to live on toast

05. He has tried to assassinate Gary Gigax (for those of you who don’t know:- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gary_Gygax ) to absorb he's ultimate geek power

04. He can speak Klingon, Elfish and Ork.... and lists them on he's CV

03. He has a loathing for players who deviate from the plot that most people reserve only for Nazis

02. He reads this list and doesn’t think any of them have been unreasonable

01. He gets into a fight and has the snot knocked out of him because he was trying to roll to hit.

...oh by the way, anyone pointing out that I missed the one about the DM creating a blog of the game and general role play humour is free to spend a hour with the Pain Monsters (aka Rebekah with a bokken and Sarah with PMS)

Random Encounters.

Lets face it, there not that random really are they? Have you looked at a 'random' encounter table lately? 1d6 goblins with short swords? what’s random about that? Now here’s what I call random encounter table.

Roll d100
01-05 Cigarette Butt Gollum
06-10 visible invisible stalker (just a wired bloke who follows you around)
11-15 Gay Bugbares
16-20 Disco Dancing zombies
21 Steam-punk geese
22-23 Swashbuckling orcs
24-25 Maths Teacher (rabid)
26 Lazy dragon (breath weapon Doritos halitosis)
27-28 Clowns with crossbows
29-30 Atheist Priests
31-32 Hackneyed plot devise (wandering traveller, burnt out coach ect ect)
33-36 talking, martini swilling dog with a sociopath baby
37-40 Ninja Squirrels on Prozac
41-45 Redneck (wildness only, accompanied by a bard with a banjo and a pig......)
46-50 Beholder with ADHD
51-55 A Party of elf’s with CLEARLY DEFINDEND genders, who don’t mention the word 'forest' once in conversation
56 A guy who takes no interest whatsoever in the party at all
57-60 Wandering shrubbery salesman
61-63 stoner looking for a Mars Bar
64-65 Mountain dew elemental
66-67 A leper with boundary issues
68-70 Rabid Care bare
71-75 Mr Hanky (the Christmas poo)
76-80 Cthlulu. no really THE cuthlulu
81-85 Ear wax Gollum
86 Rob Zombie and Pin head from hellraiser playing snap with a deck of many things
87-90 30th level teenage hormonal wizard
91-93 Banshee on PMS
94-96A dwarf WITHOUT a Scottish accent, or an axe
97-98 A REALLY fat Halfling called Pipi De Thudd
99 A berserker With the symbol of insanity tattooed on he’s forehead
100 David hasslhoff

Mopping up and collecting booty

Second session

Quote of the game:-

"There kobolds, I can't see them going down the bank"

Dranos

The game started with the PC's healing themselves after the pitched battle with the Kobo’s they found that the chefden had a very gruesome looking mace. It's head piece was shaped like a human skull and it looked like a very heavily used. (see pick)
Deciding that a mace shaped like a human skull couldn’t be a good thing, Lavinia decided to take it along since it might 'fall into the wrong hands'. no sooner had she said that than Cal picked it up. after nearly smashing he’s own thigh bone on it he stowed it in he’s pack.

The PC's alerted the Town guard to the bodies that where buried on the out skirts of shadowdale and the captain of the guard (grudgingly) accepted that they probably didn’t have anything to do with the greasily scene.

Mean while it seems that there’s trouble brewing at the old skull in, there flat out of ale and with Brother Anton of the temple of chantie having disappeared with the last order the PCs where asked to try and find out what happened to him, and of course the beer.

Armor plated bra

It has taken many hours of arduous searching through some of the seediest sites that the web has to offer, honestly guys there’s a LOT of porn out there, but hey.... its a hard job but someone got to do it and I’m willing to take that bullet for you guys.... just the kind of DM I am.

Anyhow, here it is, as voted for by you, the hormonal, repressed geeky horny sods who voted for less is more in the poll on women’s armour...

the chain mail bikini!!!

oh as a addendum to this Sarah’s first comment was, well..... okay her second was 'mind you a chain mail bikini probably isn’t all that commutable'..... Some people just don’t get it.

Thats it! I'm killing off the PCs!

.....personal computers that is. ;)

Okay guys I know that I haven’t updated the blog with the latest game notes, this is due to my home PC currently having the computational power of a rubber duck. the short answer is the power supply has fried the motherboard, witch in turn has fired the USB controller, with the USB controller out of the way it has started to attack the BIOS and the RAM. In short its dead.
well never mind, look what I’m getting at the week end....
I’ll spear you the details (suffice to say it's pretty damn beefy), but its looking good.

Also found this set of software, I’ll more than likely be getting it for the game http://www.profantasy.com/.

WoW, comic..... its like porn for geeks

Found this while looking at random sites for some background info, thought at least two thirds of the group would be interested:- http://multiplayerblog.mtv.com/2007/11/09/exclusive-read-world-of-warcraft-issue-0-right-here/ Also in 'aunt it just so frisking cool' news I found this:- http://www.dragonlance-movie.com/movie/ that’s right guys, there making a movie about that fine old cannon 'the dragons of autumn twilight' finally a D&ED movie that DOSNT SUCK!, can't wait... sure its gonna be animated but....frankly damn! It will have Kiefer Sutherland (aka 'Jackie 2 guns, or that dude from flat liners who is in 24) as the voice Raistlin, an Xina the warrior princess (Lucy Lawless) as the voice if goldmoon.

Also, I was thinking that maybe its time we got some more players in? what do you guys think?

Know your roots!

During a Radom search for some stock images I found this, my word talk about being mugged on memory lane. Anyhow I also tried to find some clips on you tube for old times sake, all I found was the intro, but still well worth it! but really guys, I know that I'm the bastard DM from hell but even I could take a few lesions from this guy.... 'sure you can go home...after doing this....oh, you did that well I meant after you do this'.

This is the reason why anybody playing a Gnome illusionist will soon hear the words 'rocks fall, everybody dies' (if you don’t get the reference click here> > http://www.somethingpositive.net/sp05032002.shtml

had to remove the FG clip since FOX seems to be going critical and tearing down all sorce vids, found this tho for your viewing pleasure... it seems rock star are going with a new angle on the new GTA game.

Three men and a little paladin

First session.
quote of the game:-
Calthron, while heavily wounded:- 'no, I'm a bloody mage'

the game started with the PC's introducing themselves
Phil:- Dranos, human druid
Sarah:- Lavinia, Halfling paladin
Jim:- Arron, Human fighter

and a GMPC:- Calthron, human wizard

The party where summoned from there cell by lord Morgim and informed that to reduce there sentences they could volunteer for a mission. the party by and large leapt at the chance and soon met up with Troy Miller. he gave the party the full story that there where:-

"Horrible yapping dog like buggers tearing up the local farms "

the party leapt at the chance, and the 15 gold each reward that he offered. On the way to the kobolds lair they found 3 bodies burred in the bog like ground on the out skirts of shadowdale 2 of them where nothing more than charred skeletons, but the third was very well preserved,; slim built and well groomed he had he’s throat slit and the message:- 'apology accepted'. Also there was a chunk of skin missing from the mans shoulder, as if a tattoo or some distinguishing mark had been cut out. Deciding to investigate further later they carried onto the kobold caves. once there they where ambushed by the Kobo's who put up a valiant effort however the PCs showed grate courage, tactics, and a little luck and won the day. killing all 20 kobolds, 3 of there giant spiders and the Chiefdom.

D&D, its like WoW for pepole with social skills.